I can't write

I always run out of words whenever I start to blog. I just want to write, to release some stress. I had a good cry last night. It was one of those unplanned cries, where I just thought that I'm so pressured with my work, school, and my family.

My boss' accreditation is still pending, big thanks to me! I did my best attending all sorts of seminars just to comply but I still failed! Worse, I only lack professional ethics... And it's available only in Manila. The seminar will be on November 26. I don't have the money. I can pay for the seminar fee but I don't have enough for my airfare and hotel... I'm broke, thanks to my expensive books...

What about school? Well, it's the second week of classes and i'm absent because of my work. I hate giving up my classes just to visit our client here in Marbel but I can't do anything about it besides finishing up my work quickly. I miss school, but I'm still working here. I expect to be home on Monday (if I won't go to Manila) and I also expect that I would once again be catching up on missed classes, discussions, not to mention jurisprudence to read... Oh well, that's a student's life, a law-student's life... My bittersweet sacrifice.

I miss my family, too... Here in Marbel, I live in my boss' house, alone.. Yes, I am alone. I do get the pleasure of having peace of mind, no siblings to irritate me, no mother to nag me, no father to ask errands to me... I have the pleasure of living on my own just like a real independent adult. Living in Davao with my family surely puts pressure on me, and I hate them for that. Specially my older sister, although she's not in Davao, she always sends me messages, sometimes asking for extra allowance, mp4 player, laptop, and I just don't know what to do with her. I hate her for that. I live on a measly salary, and I finance my own education, which make me really broke at the time of exams... I don't think that they know that, I hope they get to read this. My siblings have a lot of demands, buy me this, buy me that, and it makes me feel guilty when I can't give them what they want. They even threat me when I can't give it to them immediately. Not that I am afraid of their threats, its just that since I started working, they see me as a provider of their wants... Not necessarily needs, papa provides for them... My siblings do not know the value of money. They only ask and expect to receive. They don't work for the money. I know how pressured my father is, too, considering I have a sister in medical school, 2 sisters in college (Ateneo), a bro in highschool and the youngest in special school. Keeping up with my family's expenses is not an elementary task. I know how my father sweats for it. And sometimes, my siblings and mom come to me for some financial help, and it really sucks when I don't give them enough. My parents pressure me in applying for a new job with higher pay. Why can't I just be me? Honestly, I just want to become a call center agent, or a marketing staff, I would trade my current job for a more interesting job. Audit sucks! But I'm imprisoned here. And I don't want to become a manager, too... I'd rather be a travel writer...

Oh, it's getting dark.. I have to go.. (--,)