Thoughts are flooding my mind now. There are so many things that I want to say to you but I cannot find the right words, I don't know where or how to start. The last words I told you before you passed away, "La, balik lang ko unya ha." And I was thinking about my meetings for that evening when I said those words to you. I was thinking about getting off from work at exactly 5pm so I can drive to Buhangin and pick up the food I ordered for the party that I was supposed to attend that night. I was thinking about skipping the party and having a really good excuse that you're in the hospital and I should be with you. It was heartbreaking you to see you that morning. I wasn't really sure if you recognized me but I was happy when you answered my question that morning. You said you were hungry and I could not take watching you that morning 'cause I know that you're in pain. Maybe you were really hungry that time or maybe you were just really in pain. I wanted to give you food but you were not supposed to eat yet before they can get an ultrasound image of your abdomen. I had to leave that morning with an excuse that it's almost 8 and I'm late for work. But the truth is that I could not stay there and watch you suffer. I wish I could make the pain go away. I said that I'd be back later that day hoping that you would feel better when I get back. But you're already gone when I got back.
La, I was glad that I visited you that day. I don't really care if I was late. That precious moment when I held your hand before I left, I will treasure it. That precious moment when you looked into my eyes is a gift that I will bring with me all through my life. And although I am really sad that you're gone now, I am happy that I have that memory of you.
I cannot really do anything now but relive the memories. That time when we were young and you'd bring a tuuperware full of peanut butter for me and ate Christine. No wonder ate go fat! You never scolded me, and I've never seen you got angry with me. I've spent a lot of summers with you in Mati and I could not forget how enterprising I was with you when I was still young. I'd clean the kiosk and polish it to perfection and you'd give me 5pesos and then I'd spend all of my coins to buy Hebi. I'd sleep in your desk at the palengke where you ran last two. I remember betting numbers back when I was young and I remember you being happy when you won from the numbers I gave you. I remember all the ukay-ukay stuff you gave me. I specially remember that black and white dress we bought from an ukay-ukay stall in Uyanguren back when I was around 8 or 9.
You were such a free-spirited adventurous person. And even when you got sick it did not stop you from going places. I remember having known people that I've known before who turned out to be our relatives when you brought me in Panabo. Even when you had a hard time walking we still went out of town just so you can be with our relatives and play tong-its.
I've learned a lot from you, la. I've learned to share what little I have, and I've learned to be hardworking. I will surely miss you and the values you've shown us when you were still alive.
You've lived a full and happy life. Thank you la for the time you spent with me, with us. I LOVE YOU!
